I'm Still Here
by ErikaaDawnn
Summary: One night Ainslie Lein Clearwater makes the choice of her life, and is taking to a place straight out of her dizziest day dreams. And the pairing? Oh, you'll see. Rated M for safety :
1. Growing Up

_I'm Still Here_

Original Character:

**Full name:** Ainslie Lien Clearwater  
><strong>Name meaning:<strong> English - A Wood  
><strong>Aliases: <strong>Bloody Lee  
><strong>Age: <strong>21  
><strong>Race:<strong> Human  
><strong>Parents:<strong> Jonathon Clearwater (Father), Elizabeth Clearwater (Mother)  
><strong>Siblings:<strong> Winston Clearwater (Older brother, 28), Kendra Clearwater (Older sister, 24)  
><strong>Spouse:<strong> none  
><strong>Children:<strong> none  
><strong>Hair color:<strong> Dark Brown, poker straight  
><strong>Eye color:<strong> Emerald Green

**Chapter 1:**

The midnight sky was dark the only light coming from the moon, making the world seem melancholy and desolate. The usually busy streets of London were now deserted, only a companionless woman here or a couple returning home there. The cobblestone streets glistened from the rain that moments ago ended, making the streets come across even more hauntingly beautiful. This is how I loved London, at night, just after the last drop of rain had fallen, cleaning the streets of the disgusting mess it usually was. Perched in my window ledge I gazed upon my surroundings, taking it all in before the cold settled into my bones. The fall air caressed my skin like a lover that I have never possessed, remaining on the surface, teasing me before settling into my bones, goose flesh breaking out.

I smiled to myself before entering the warm, safe aura that my bedroom held. I closed the door behind me, but not placing the latch into its place, leaving my window unlocked. I looked around my bedroom which also served as my mother, Elizabeth's, letter room. She kept all her important documents and parchment here, on the opposite side of the room which held my belongings. I collapsed on my plush bed, suddenly exhausted, my chocolate brown hair falling around me like a dark halo. The sheets felt soft in my hands, and the edge of my journal rested just in reach. I pulled it close to me and opened to a random page.

_"… So my dear friend I wonder, why haven't I found a suitable husband as my elder sister Kendra has found. Richard is a wonderful man, any woman would be delighted to have him, and sadly, I find myself feeling horrible about being jealous. But soon I will find someone to be by my side for as long as my parents have been by each others. _

_Until another night,_

_Ainslie Lien Clearwater…"_

I smiled at this, knowing secretly that no man would ever find love in me and how naïve my eighteen year old self was. It was sad but true. I've be told by my father that I am to reckless, to full of imagination and childish nonsense. But that is what happens when you are raised among books and fantasy literature. Little did my father know the trouble he would cause my future when he read me all these books and gifted me with countless new ones on holidays.

Tossing the leather bond journal to the ground I climbed into the sheets, my nightgown tangling itself around my legs and ankles. I smiled to myself and turned out the candle at my bedside, showering the room in total darkness. Sleep attacked my subconscious making me fall into a deep dream filled sleep.

_"Auntie Ainslie!" A voice called my name, I looked at the beautiful landscape around me, on top a rock my brother Jonathon's_ _young son waved to me, beckoning me to come over. I smiled widely towards my young nephew, Aric, running towards him and scooping him up in my arms, planting a kiss on his chubby cheeks. He giggled loudly and squirmed, rolling out of my arms and into the tall grass. Aric took my hand and pulled me towards a Cliffside and leaping off into the water. I laughed and rested my finger tips on my lips, voices of my family beckoned me to join them. They all said many things,_

_"Come in, the water's fine!"_

_"My lovely angel, join us!"_

_"Ainslie! Jump!"_

_Then finally all of the beautiful water melted away and so did the figures of my loved ones. All turning into grotesque creature's who's only origin could be hell itself. Their laughter was so loud and over powering my screams of terror. _

I awoke with a start, sweat drenching my back and face. My hair sticking to my face and neck, my heart pounding in my head, echoing uncontrollably. I covered my hand over my mouth, stifling a scream that threatened to burst. Salty tears rolled down my cheeks, and fell onto my lap. It was minutes later till I saw the curtains billowing and the window wide open. Curiosity registered in my brain, dismissing the fear. I crawled out from under the safety that was my blankets and stepped towards the window, my bare feet making little to no noise on the wood flooring. I looked out the window, seeing nothing out of the ordinary before shutting it firmly and locking it into place.

But to my surprise I turned and was face to face with a boy, floating mere inches of the ground. I fell back onto the window ledge in shock, he looked at me curiously, like I was a wrapped present that he had no idea what was inside. Reaching out he touched my cheeks, his brown eyes lighting up, a smile brought to his adolescent face. He looked like he had just won a great prize.

"What is your name," He asked me, still smiling.

"Ainslie," I choked slightly on my words, my nerves sending warning sparks to my brain, "and what is yours?"

"Peter! Peter Pan," He jumped back and stood like a hero winning a great battle, even though it looked no more than a young boy playing dress up. I blinked indifferent, taking in his appearance, dirty blonde hair, blazing brown eyes, and he wore nothing but vines that clothes on his naked body. A blush seeped to my cheeks, and I looked at the ground embarrassed. No man or boy in this case had ever shown himself to me in this… uncivilized way. He approached me once again, this time floating up so he was at eye level, "Ainslie, come away with me."

I stood and looked at him astonished, where would a young underdressed child take me? "And where do you expect to take me? I am to be… married in a few short days time!" the lie flew off my tongue before I could even stop it.

Peter's smile only expanded, it was obvious that he must've caught my lie. "That involved growing up, and I suspect that you don't want to grow up…" he trailed off getting close into my face. I stopped and thought to myself.

_"Do I really want to grow up…? This strange child is giving me the chance to live my fantasy out… should I trust him?" _I thought to myself before asking, "Where will we go?"

His reply was two words, short and sweet, but still filling me to the brim with childish excitement.

"Never Land."

That is when I thought about the possibility that a place called Never Land could exist. "What is in Never Land Peter?"

He smirked, a bold move, his eyes danced with mystery. "Mermaids, Indians, Pirate's, Faeries, and oh so much more. You'll love it there Wendy!" The name rolled off his tongue and he covered his mouth with his dirt stained hands. I raised an eyebrow towards him.

"Did you just call me Wendy?" I asked curious to whom this Wendy girl is.

"Yes, she is my friend, well was, she was also mother." Peter said, suddenly shy, "She gave me a kiss…"

I smiled, "A boy, your age, getting kissed? That's absolutely peculiar!" I snorted back a laugh before catching the look on Peter's face. He hadn't been lying. I lowered my gaze and focused on the ground, but looked at him from the corner of my eyes. His eye's snapped back up and the wide smirk returned; I met his chocolate brown gaze with my emerald green one.

"So what do you say Ainslie?" I bit my lip contemplating my decision, "Will you come away, and escape anything boring and ordinary?" He took his grubby hand in my own clean, dainty one. I looked down at him before he signaled to the window where a small orb of light floated towards us, before I could identify what it was sparks of light flew into my face and was breathed in into my lungs. It tickled the back of my throat and stung like whisky down my windpipe.

Before I knew it he smiled at me and looked at the ground, I followed his gaze and saw that my feet were no longer planted firmly on the ground. And to my amazement I was floating, no I was flying just as Peter was, a bright smile lit up my face and he looked victorious. "Yes Peter, I will go with you." And before my realization I was out of my bedroom window, on the path towards Never Land. The landscape of London disappeared below us rapidly and we were flying into the sky, Peter flew in close to me, our noses touching briefly.

"Hold onto my ankle." He demanded. I looked at him repulsed by the idea of touching his filthy feet. He nudged my hand and I clasped his ankle. "Now, don't let go."

"What?" I yelled, the wind in my ears deafening.

"DON'T. LET. GO." He cried out as we sped into the sky, stars whizzing beside us. I couldn't hold back the scream that filled the air with my sheer terror.

I hit the water, the cold hit me like a train as I desperately paddled to the surface, my lungs screaming for air. Breaking the surface of the cool body of water I felt the bitter night air fill my lungs, giving them momentary relief. The only light I could find was across the water, so it was then I began a long grueling swim towards what I hoped to be civilization.

The water was deep and cold, stinging every inch of my skin. My hair almost black, it stuck to my shoulders, neck and face, and the rest of me was tangled among my night gown. I could hardly move; every limb was on the brink of exhaustion. I fell then, not literally, but mentally, my entire body stopped moving and I slipped beneath the waves. I could feel my lungs burning, like someone had taken a match to them. But that didn't help then fact I knew that I was dying, I had waited so long to finally see it. I'm dreaming, on of the lucid dreams where you know you're dreaming, yet everything you see and feel is real.

That is what was happening to me.

_I must've been dreaming that Peter Pan, boy wonder came to my window, promising to take me away. But then when it really came to it. It was all some little fantasy that I had spun inside my head. Insanity. That is all it had become to. _

But those were my only thoughts as I could feel a presence looming around me, and a pair of arms encircling my waist as I lost all consciousness.


	2. Eyes of Blue

**Chapter 2:**

When I awoke, it was in a strange room, full of beautiful wood carvings, maps and old furniture that looked like it was from a whole different era. Reds, gold, and blacks decorated the room. I was laid across a large bed, much to large for one person. A large desk resided across the room, and upon it, scrolls upon scrolls resided around a figure.

From what I could tell is that it was a he, with long unruly black curls, he was un shirted, it looked like I must've been wearing his shirt, he only wore a pair of black slacks and leather boots to his knee's. My eyes traveled up and rested on his face, he was slouched over, a map gripped tightly in his hands. He had piercing blue eyes, so blue to a degree that they gave me goose flesh. He had an angular moustache and matching goatee, behind that he had soft lips that looked ripe to kiss.

Not like that was what I was pondering. I sat up slowly, the screaming pain from my muscles ached under the strain. He looked up from his map, eyes trained on my own. "Good afternoon m'lady." A smirk rested on his beautiful face, and I felt a blush seep to my cheeks.

"Who are you?" The question rolled off my tongue, and he laughed lightly, a jolly laugh that echoed across his chambers.

"I thought for sure a friend of Pan's would know who I am…" I looked at him, a mixture of confusion and fear rested on my face. Then I remembered…

_"Ainslie," I choked slightly on my words, my nerves sending warning sparks to my brain, "and what is yours?"_

_"Peter! Peter Pan,"_

"I am James Hook, Captain of the Jolly Roger." He smiled pulling a large hook out of the wood in his desk, it took me a moment to realize that it was his hand. I averted my eyes from the hook and locked my eyes with his. He stood and continued smiling. "Welcome aboard Ainslie."

"H-how did you know my name?" I stuttered swallowing audibly.

"The fairies talk my dear." Smirked before moving to stand at my bedside, "and I do enjoy the company of one Pan's friends…" he trailed off and for a brief moment I swear that his eyes turned red before flickering back to blue.

Fear settled in the belly of my stomach, and I backed up against the headboard. Hook sat on the bed his face inches from my own. "The funny thing is, you are no young girl, why did he bring you to Never Land?"

"I don't know, though he did call me Wendy." Hook looked extremely pleased with this. I froze as Hook got closer.

"It seems to be a good thing you are not. But it also helps to kill him." Hooks voice was full of mischief and anger.

"You would kill a boy…" I trembled lightly my hand shaking in my lap. He nodded lifting my face to look at him directly, his index finger resting under my chin. I could feel the warmth of his skin, and the cool metal of his hook resting on my ankle.

"Of course."

With that he departed, he left the warmth of his bed chambers and let the door slam behind him.

*POV Switch*

The warm afternoon air hit me and I breathed in the salty air. I could feel the sun resting itself between my bare shoulder blades. Kissing my skin lightly, it warmed me to the core. I closed my eyes and breathed in before making my way across the wooden deck of the Jolly Roger, the crew all looked at me in awe, making false assumptions about me and the young woman in my chambers.

My trusty first mate, Smee, greeted me with a nod, and I made my way over to his side. "Tell the crew that I will need them to go get Tiger Lily and get her to give Pan a little message. That I have his friend, and she will die if he does not meet me at the Black Rock." With a quick smirk I turned on my heels and disappeared inside my chambers once more.

*Another POV Switch*

I took my short time alone to take a closer look around at my surroundings, more closely at the maps. To my delight I found one of my temporary home; Never Land. From Indian camps, to Mermaid's layers, to even a large medieval castle called Black Rock. I felt a smile perch itself on my lips and I continued to look through the incredible maps before me. All had notes furiously written on them in red and black ink, all looking for the same thing. Peter's home.

The doors across the room swung open and I leaped back from the desk and hid my hands guiltily behind my back. Hook looked at me suspiciously, then smiled. "My dear Ainslie. There is no need to be in shame of looking through my chambers, for it seems to be that for the time being my home is also yours. Please help yourself to anything that you please." He bowed lightly, I felt like in a way he was mocking me. I raised my eyebrow and smiled.

"You are most hospitable… for a pirate." I looked at him before looking down and seeing that the shirt, that was supposed to serve as some kind of clothing, had risen up to an ungodly spot. Revealing my milky white thighs, but regardless of it "covering" me it still revealed the soft outline of my breasts and the swell of my hips.

I felt the blush rise to my cheeks, I was for sure ashamed of how under clothed I was. Especially in front of a man of Hook's age. Which brings up the question….

"How old are you Captain?" I asked tilting my head slightly, a habit I picked up from Jonathon.

"I seem to have forgotten that, I've been in Never Land so long that the day's have seemed to blend together," He shrugged, and smiled.

"I see..." I trailed off, embarrassed to have asked.

"May I ask you something? If it's not to bold to ask a Lady such a question."

"Yes, you may."

"Have you ever been with a man?" My eyes which had previously been locked onto the floor snapped up to meet his own.

"I-I, well, no. I have not been with a man before. I haven't had much luck with finding a husband." I felt my heart rise into my throat, pounding in my skull violently. _Was he asking me to be with him? Even after just meeting one another, and being in each others presence is he actually asking me…?_

"I mean as in have you ever been to bed with a man?" He moved across the room till he was directly in front of me.

"N-no, I have n-not." I stuttered as he moved closer and my back was rested against the wall and his body was almost touching my own. I took this moment to really look at him, and I noticed at first glance that he was still without a shirt. Part of me wanted to order him to put one on, the other part of me wanted to remove the rest of his clothing myself.

And I was appalled at my internal behavior.

"Good, because the crew seems to have it in their heads that I've already laid with you." Hook smirked at this taking another step closer, our noses almost touching.

"Oh." Was all I could respond with at that moment.

*Yet another POV Switch*

Her emerald eyes danced within the lines of fear, embarrassment, and need. As I continued to press my body against her own, she couldn't of been older than nine teen. Twenty at the most. But that wasn't what intrigued me about her, it was the fact that this young woman was hand picked by Pan to come with him to Never Land. The fact he called her Wendy really intrigued me the most, especially for the fact that she bore no resemblance to the thirteen year old girl.

I smiled at her, feeding off her embarrassment as she clutched her hands closer to her chest in a sad attempt of covering her voluptuous breasts. I could only stare at her beauty, from her soft dark locks, to her pink lips and milky white skin. She had freckles that dotted her cheeks and nose, standing out in a bold way against her complexion. She had a body I wanted to ravish and pleasure over and over again.

Suddenly breaking my out of my trance she spoke and lightly tried to separate herself from me. "Captain I-"

"Please, call me James." I interrupted her, lightly clasping her petite hand in mine.

"J-James, What exactly are you proposing?" She spoke, her voice small and weak, she was filled with nervous, yet anxious butterflies. She swiftly moved her hand from under mine.

"Stay with me." I whispered before quickly adding, "I get lonely here, and no one on this blasted ship has any true intelligence. While you on the other hand are a true, educated lady."

"Oh, well I suppose I could stay for a while.." She trailed off, her cheeks becoming a bright crimson. And yet she looked slightly disappointed at the same time. Curiosity filled my head with thoughts swimming around and trying to confuse me.

"Brilliant!" I shouted out, my voice echoing off the walls of my cabin. "Now, is there anything that I can provide you with?"

"A proper set of clothing would be nice…" She said in a meek voice and I nodded.

"Yes, a Lady this under clothed on a ship full of men is uncalled for. I will find you some at once." I moved across the room and picked a pair of smaller clothes from my wardrobe and moved back to hand them to her. She humbly took them and I left the room out of sheer curtsey.

*Guess what? ANOTHER POV Switch.*

Once I was sure that Hoo- I mean, James, was out of the room I undid the ties around my neck and let the garment fall free from my body. I felt the warm air that was held captive in the cabin tickle my bare skin. Sighing loudly I picked up the slacks and slipped them over my legs, they were skin tight, yet the material breathed quite nicely. I pulled on a fresh shirt and breathed in its scent. It smelled strongly of tobacco and sea water. A strange combination but nice none the less, I pulled it over my head, the light material caressing my skin. I smiled to myself, I felt like such an improper thing, dressed as a boy. If only my father could see me now.

Sometimes I wondered if it was even worth it that is, acting like a lady, often I found myself wishing that I was a boy. Then maybe I would be gifted with the same opportunities' that my brother Jonathon has.

I was so absorbed in my thoughts that I didn't notice James had re-entered the room. I spun around and greeted him with a small smile, even though the sight of him brought fear to the very depths of my heart. "Now, let's take you to meet the crew." he said as a smirk rested upon his lips.

**Author Note: Hey so I am currently working on Chapter 3 :) Stay tuned all :) Reviews would be greatly appreciated.**


	3. Take Me To The Mainland

I went through the regular motions of typically greeting people, regardless if they were pirates. Even thought I have to admit that the backwards hands, and tattoo's did disturb me. But who am I to say things, I'm the one with the lust developing for a hook handed man.

I rested against the railing of the ship, the slight breeze blowing through my free locks. I looked out upon the waves rolling around us, but even though we were anchored I felt myself hypnotized by them. A strange feeling of calm coming over me that had be absent since we first arrived. I felt James come up beside me, looking at me before following my gaze to the majestic waves. "It's one of the reasons I became a pirate you know," I looked at him confused. He smiled and chuckled lightly, "the waves, you know, it's like they live all around us, and surround us with life, I became a pirate because it became my love..." He looked deeply into the never ending blue before us.

Suddenly the respect I had never had for the captain hit me, he was in all, a decent man. He had dreams and love for something so intensely. It made him so human that it rendered me speechless, all I could do was sit and stare.

James turned and looked at me intensely, his eyes caressing my whole body, surveying it like an artist would a new canvas. Where beauty would spring soon from his deepest imagination. He reached towards me his fingertips gazing my cheek and tucking my hair behind my ear, traces of a smile ghosting his lips. I felt myself melt at his touch, bringing new butterflies fluttering all over my skin. "James.." His name tumbled from my lips, my eyes locking with his.

*POV Change*

I felt her emerald eyes bore into my own, her skin's temperature noticeably rising as did the color in her cheeks. I wrapped my free hand around her waist, pulling her close to me and ran my fingers through her soft brown hair. I planted a sweet kiss on her forehead, my heart strings being tugged to the point of breaking.

How I longed to taste her sweet lips, and hold her closer to me. Sometimes the need to make her mine was so great I found myself conflicted between the actions of my heart and head.

Who was to say that Ainslie would even consider connecting to me, being with me. The thought alone make my heart want to break the connection I wanted so badly with her. I've only wanted her, for me only. It only took me a years of searching and wanting to find her. And I didn't plan on losing her now.

*POV change and Time change*

The London streets were skirted with light, the sound of people echoing in my bedchambers, my lovely wife sleeping next to me. The sunlight settled upon her fair skin, and her eyelids fluttered open, bright blue eyes peeking out from soft red hair. Her curls stood on all ends and I laughed lightly running my hands through her unruly curls. My love pouring out into my touch, "Morning love..."

"Good morning Jonathon.." She trailed off, sleep thick within her voice. But her voice was a melody, making my heart warm despite the news that had arrived late in the night.

My baby sister was gone. Stolen in the night, and no one had any clue to where she had disappeared to. But it was my duty as her brother, to find a way to save her from whatever predicament that she was faced with. No matter the cost, I would help her.

*POV Change*

I felt my skin heat up, his touch sending sparks along my skin, a growing need to pull him close to me settled in my stomach. I laid my hand softly in the middle of his chest, feeling the warmth of his skin radiating through his shirt. I closed my eyes before I felt him pull me close, my head resting on his chest just above where my hand laid. I felt a pain of lips rest themselves on the top of my head, I felt my cheeks sting with heat, and I knew that surely I must be so cherry colored that I couldn't believe myself.

James, he sighed as he pulled away, leaving me reach out towards him, he made his way back towards his sleeping quarters, his head hung low. I felt my heart lurch foreword as I looked around, many of the crew had come to see the spectacle we had made. James and I. I gathered my wits and following James I retired back to his cabin where I found him hunched over his desk, his whole body shaking. I felt my heart drop, and I rushed over to his side resting my hand on his trembling shoulder. He froze, and the muscles tensed under my fingertips, I felt tears sting my eyes as he looks up at my his eyes tinged pink, clearly this was a man not used to the mundane act of crying. He had put himself above and beyond that. James gather me in his suddenly weak arms, holding me, his face hidden in my bosom.

"Ainslie..." His voice trailed off, leaving me to hold him, running my long fingers through his thick curls. I know that he just needed something, and that something happened to be me, the only woman he will ever submit himself too. I know that I may not have realized it then, and I do now that it is the moment that I fell for him, James Hook.

I don't remember what had happened later that evening but I remember that we just sat and talked, he didn't say much, but I realize that he hadn't had much to tell. He never remembered his childhood, and that actually broke my heart... that someone so kind didn't remember anything about himself. But he still sat there kindly listening and hooked on my every word.

But when we woke up I found myself on one side of his bed, his arms wrapped around me, my head rested upon his muscled chest. I smiled to myself as this beautiful man rested beneath me, snored lightly before rolling over, letting me go. I raised up, leaning on my elbow looking down intently at the man beneath me, his curls surrounded him in a halo, a look of peace and serenity rested upon his face. I smiled lightly, nervously biting on my bottom lip as I moved a stray curl resting against his cheek. I felt our skin briefly touch, sending shockwaves down my fingertips.

I moved from the bed and went out to greet the sun and water, even at such an early hour there were many people out and about, working on every part of the ship. I looked towards the island of Never Land and smiled, I would have to leave today. I needed to find Peter, he would be the one to tell me what I was supposed to do, and where I would find it. I found Smee, and looked to him, "Take me ashore."

**AN: Agh, this chapter is so short. I pardon that, the next one should be better! Thanks all who've read it! Reviews would be amazing, I want to know if you are enjoying yourself. And thanks to the ONE that did review. :) 3**

**-E**


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